memories of family cars

make/model: Nissan Dotsun 210 Wagon
color: dark red
lifespan: 1983-89
nickname: The Vomit-Mobile
memorable feature: no air-conditioning (we lived in Washington, D.C.)

The first and last new car my family has ever purchased. It was made to hold four, but my parents had a middle seatbelt installed so the three kids could all fit in the back – one of the only truly evil things they ever did. This lead to several cramped, miserable family trips.

On one such trek to see our relatives in Long Island for the first (and last) time, my brother, over-excited about the vacation, threw up for the entire ride. Once on the side of the road, once in a Roy Rogers, but mostly in the car. On either side of him, my sister and I hung our heads out the window. I fashioned a makeshift gas mask by molding a grape fruit roll-up over my nose. We never did get the smell out of the car.

It had black and dark grey vinyl interior, which meant that when left in the sun, it would heat up to the point that it would cause near third-degree burns. There were several melted crayon stains on the back seats. I also remember the feel of old chips and crackers crunching beneath my feet on the floor.

make/model: Dodge Caravan
color: blue
lifespan: 1989-1991
nickname: Blue Thunder
memorable feature: non-functional right-turn signal

The first in a long line of cars brought from family friends and con artists. It was still a major upgrade over the vomit-mobile, with more square footage and air-conditioning. Every now and then the sliding side door would pop off the hinge, requiring a trip to one of the several mechanics in town with whom we were on a first-name basis. This will always hold a place in my heart as the first car I drove after I got my license. Unfortunately, it died on me two months later, emitting more smoke than something that has not exploded should. Waiting for my mom to come rescue me with the hazards on, I couldn’t figure out why people kept honking at me. Then I realized that because of the broken turn signal it looked like I was waiting to make a left turn.

make/model: Pontiac LeMans
color: white
lifespan: 1991-94
memorable feature: required multiple unsuccessful air-conditioning surgeries

A poor man’s Honda Civic, it was by far the sportiest thing we had ever owned. The car was sold to us by close family friends who actually tried to talk us out of buying it. It handled much like a go-cart. Riding shotgun, you always needed to keep an eye on your legs, as the dash was prone to leak Freon from the temperamental air-conditioner. It goes down in history as the only family car not to die from natural causes: my sister totaled it in a collision with a UPS van. Not a UPS truck, a UPS van.

make/model: Dodge Grand Caravan
color: maroon with a gold racing stripe
lifespan: 1992-2000
nickname: The Enterprise/Old Bitch-Ass
memorable feature: too many to name

This was my high-school ride. It earned its nickname due to the improbable number of people I could bring to a party or rave (sorry mom and dad). The sliding side door also often popped off the hinge, but sometimes I could get it back in place. At one point it was held shut for a few days by a jump-rope. On New Years Eve of 1993, my friend Chad friend spilled a forty of St. Ides in the back, creating an odor only eclipsed by the vomit-mobile.

When I left for college the car was inherited by my dad (who used it for gigs) and my brother (who used it to drive to school and re-named it). My dad took out both the middle and back seats, creating enough room for him to slide his keyboard and amp in and out. Then he had the problematic sliding side door welded shut. But sometimes neither of the front doors could be unlocked, so he would have to crawl in through the back. Around this time the tape deck started eating tapes.

Eventually the springs in the back door stopped working, creating a potentially life-threatening crush every time you let it fall shut. My dad solved this problem by keeping a shovel in the back and using it to prop the door up. Slowly everything in the car stopped working except for the engine. By this point my dad was leaving it unlocked in the hopes that someone would steal it. Finally it died, having lasted for an astounding 160,000 miles.

make/model: Honda Accord
color: unfinished grey
lifespan: 1993-1995
nickname: lucky
memorable feature: engine sounds

Before I went to college I cashed all of the bonds from my Bar Mitzvah and emptied my savings account to buy a car so I could drive to visit my girlfriend. Staying within the family tradition of irrational automobile purchases, I bought the car (a 1986) for $2,700 from a man named Nabil in a Toys R’ Us parking lot. The day after I drove up to school in Ithaca it began emitting blue smoke. It needed a new engine. A month after the new engine was put in, my girlfriend broke up with me.

The car lived on for two more years. The only time it handled well was when it was cruising over 70 MPH. Otherwise it sounded like an airplane about to take off. When the brakes started to fail, I began using the emergency brake instead (one out of every twenty stops or so). One time a parking attendant refused to drive it back down when I came to pick it up, barking in a Jamaican accent, “You a magician? How you drive a car with no brakes, man?”

I was about to give a friend a ride home from the grocery store one day, and when we got in the car, I put it in reverse and stepped on the gas. There was a loud thump and the speedometer went up to 80 MPH while the car stood still. It accumulated several parking tickets over the next few days until my dad found a mechanic who towed it away and gave us $50 for it.