the grappling dummy
About six months ago I decided to build a grappling dummy, because that’s a perfectly normal thing to do. I was frustrated, waiting for my elbow to heal so I could get back to my jiu-jitsu training and had seen a couple of pictures online of grappling dummies for sale. They all cost well over $100, so I decided to make my own. Not surprisingly, Julia was appalled.
I used two pillows for the torso and rolled up old sweaters and jeans for the arms and legs. It took a roll and a half of duct tape to cover the thing. The result was a fairly heavy, disproportionate but disturbingly life-like dwarfish creature. The entire process took less than an hour. I never actually practiced with it, but it provided some good comedy. I would leave it in Julia’s chair, the arms draped on her keyboard, or prop it up sitting on the floor like a passed-out drunk. It was the classic one-day stupid project that I obsess over.
The dummy was crammed onto a shelf in my closet in what looked like a very painful position – sort of an extreme, contortionist/fetal-position thing. I thought it looked funny, but Julia repeatedly told me that it disturbed her and asked me to leave the closet closed. It probably reminded her a little too much of a Law and Order SVU episode.
A couple of nights ago I made a deal with Julia: I would get rid of the dummy and let her use the shelf for storage if we could get rid of the dresser-turned-storage-cabinet that sits awkwardly in our living room. In the middle of the night, after checking first to make sure that no one was on the block, I snuck the thing out and dumped it with the trash. On my way to work the next morning it was still there, waiting to be picked up, and I got a kick out of wondering how many confused people had done a double-take on their way to work that morning.
A couple of hours after I got to work Julia called me to let me know that the dummy was still there. I assured her that it would be picked up with the trash, and that even if it wasn’t, it was O.K., because no one saw me take it out. By the time I came home from work it was gone and I had completely forgotten about it.
Later that night, on my way out to meet some friends for drinks, I was walking away from our apartment, talking to a friend on my phone and telling him where we were meeting. I looked up and, walking past me, was a harmless-looking woman in her early thirties, talking on her phone and carrying the dummy under one arm. I almost tripped when I saw her. One of its legs and one of its arms were missing and she carried it in the same nonchalant manner that one might carry groceries or a yoga mat. She was heading back toward our apartment, which meant that she must have taken it somewhere else earlier. My only guess is that she took it to the gym a couple of blocks away for a self-defense class of some sort, but even that seems contrived. I guess I’ll never know what she’s using it for, but as my brother said, it makes the story better. I’m just glad it’s getting some use.
I used two pillows for the torso and rolled up old sweaters and jeans for the arms and legs. It took a roll and a half of duct tape to cover the thing. The result was a fairly heavy, disproportionate but disturbingly life-like dwarfish creature. The entire process took less than an hour. I never actually practiced with it, but it provided some good comedy. I would leave it in Julia’s chair, the arms draped on her keyboard, or prop it up sitting on the floor like a passed-out drunk. It was the classic one-day stupid project that I obsess over.
The dummy was crammed onto a shelf in my closet in what looked like a very painful position – sort of an extreme, contortionist/fetal-position thing. I thought it looked funny, but Julia repeatedly told me that it disturbed her and asked me to leave the closet closed. It probably reminded her a little too much of a Law and Order SVU episode.
A couple of nights ago I made a deal with Julia: I would get rid of the dummy and let her use the shelf for storage if we could get rid of the dresser-turned-storage-cabinet that sits awkwardly in our living room. In the middle of the night, after checking first to make sure that no one was on the block, I snuck the thing out and dumped it with the trash. On my way to work the next morning it was still there, waiting to be picked up, and I got a kick out of wondering how many confused people had done a double-take on their way to work that morning.
A couple of hours after I got to work Julia called me to let me know that the dummy was still there. I assured her that it would be picked up with the trash, and that even if it wasn’t, it was O.K., because no one saw me take it out. By the time I came home from work it was gone and I had completely forgotten about it.
Later that night, on my way out to meet some friends for drinks, I was walking away from our apartment, talking to a friend on my phone and telling him where we were meeting. I looked up and, walking past me, was a harmless-looking woman in her early thirties, talking on her phone and carrying the dummy under one arm. I almost tripped when I saw her. One of its legs and one of its arms were missing and she carried it in the same nonchalant manner that one might carry groceries or a yoga mat. She was heading back toward our apartment, which meant that she must have taken it somewhere else earlier. My only guess is that she took it to the gym a couple of blocks away for a self-defense class of some sort, but even that seems contrived. I guess I’ll never know what she’s using it for, but as my brother said, it makes the story better. I’m just glad it’s getting some use.
posted by Justin at 3:35 PM
3 Comments:
No shit! I saw that fucking thing on the sidewalk on Union between Clinton and Court some night this week. I did a triple take, thinking "Who the fuck..." Now I know.
If you're interested, I believe I saw the arm of the grappling dummy (the doll, not the author of this blog) on the north side of Union Street between Court and Sackett yesterday afternoon...
Err. Wait a sec. Between Court and Clinton.
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