procrastination
I managed to bang out the majority of this monstrous final paper, but not before writing a long complaint letter to CompUSA (feel free to boycott them), balancing the checkbook and doing other semi-productive nonsense. I finally went to Dr. Kenworthy today and found out that I don't have a heart condition, just stress-based chest pains. Says the doctor, "You just need to get to California." Thanks, doc - wanna help me with all the errands I need to run in the next 48 hours?
Before I could be sent home I needed to have a cardiogram, which sounds more like some kind of fitness e-card than what it really is. I took this opportunity to tell the nurse and then the doctor about my last cardiogram - I was in the ER with bruised ribs after taking too much Ibuprofen (I'll tell the whole story some other time), and for about an hour the staff mistook my naturally low heart-rate for a "cardiac event." That was fun. Despite my retelling of this semi-traumatic event, the nurse thought it would be funny to joke about how hairy I am. Thanks.
One of the censors slipped off my hairy belly, so the nurse had to start over and throw out the first printout, which I stole from the trash when no one was looking. Here it is (you can see the big blip where the censor slipped):
I like the idea of posting bizarre images here - expect to see more in the future. Also, I'm thinking about making every Wednesday "list day", so feel free to comment with any suggestions. Each week I'll submit the posting to McSweeney's, as suggested by Jackie.
For now, I've got to get back to this paper. After taking fifteen pictures of a cardiogram printout it's time to get serious. And when I'm done, I can relax, per Dr. Kenworthy's orders. I kind of wish he was a bad doctor, so I could call him Dr. Ken "not" Worthy or Dr. Kenworthless, but he's solid.
Relax, relax, relax...
Before I could be sent home I needed to have a cardiogram, which sounds more like some kind of fitness e-card than what it really is. I took this opportunity to tell the nurse and then the doctor about my last cardiogram - I was in the ER with bruised ribs after taking too much Ibuprofen (I'll tell the whole story some other time), and for about an hour the staff mistook my naturally low heart-rate for a "cardiac event." That was fun. Despite my retelling of this semi-traumatic event, the nurse thought it would be funny to joke about how hairy I am. Thanks.
One of the censors slipped off my hairy belly, so the nurse had to start over and throw out the first printout, which I stole from the trash when no one was looking. Here it is (you can see the big blip where the censor slipped):
I like the idea of posting bizarre images here - expect to see more in the future. Also, I'm thinking about making every Wednesday "list day", so feel free to comment with any suggestions. Each week I'll submit the posting to McSweeney's, as suggested by Jackie.
For now, I've got to get back to this paper. After taking fifteen pictures of a cardiogram printout it's time to get serious. And when I'm done, I can relax, per Dr. Kenworthy's orders. I kind of wish he was a bad doctor, so I could call him Dr. Ken "not" Worthy or Dr. Kenworthless, but he's solid.
Relax, relax, relax...
posted by Justin at 10:45 PM
2 Comments:
When I was young, my dad (a cardiologist) gave me a book published by some drug company that made a pill for hypertension. The book was supposed to teach kids how to relax. (This was just one of many lagniappes bestowed upon my dad by drug reps; others included a junket to Maui and a fascinatingly realistic large intestine "toy" my dad brought home for me when I was four.)
Anyway, in the book, the recommended relaxation visualization was an image of a lion napping on a peaceful beach. So there you go: you are now on the path to bliss.
You must have had weird dreams as a kid.
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